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My little five-pound dog doesn't mind when I pick her up from a dead sleep and fan myself wildly with her until the sweaty red-hot flash passes. I know because she barks a lot and tries to give me tiny sharp love bites to cheer me on. I do my best to quell the steam pouring off my body but sometimes the smoke alarm ends up being set off in my house (or my hotel room), and fire trucks are more than likely dispatched to save me from what must be a large structure on fire. I just realized as I sit here writing this that I have to pee again. When you're 50, well, it's the perfect time to do some cranial housekeeping. I have somehow managed to keep my wits about me for all these years. Before I go (no, I am not dying, Mother), I should tell you that this past year has been a marvel for me. The funny thing is that I didn't do any of these things when I was 49. When I was 49, I had one chin and two eyebrows and a moustache that was manageable. By the way, the mother tells me that I am beyond being an old maid. Cougar was a phrase that was thrown around for a while, but apparently I outgrew that some time ago. It was a friend of mine who I go to group therapy with (it's cheaper if you can find two or three people with similar problems to your own). You don't want to have things looming around in your mind where they don't belong.However, the move to suburbs has the daughter wondering if they just entered the world of The Stepford Wives after they see how "perfect" their new locale is, right down to the neighbors who welcome them into the cul-de-sac.Single dad George (Jeremy Sisto) decides to move himself and his 15-year-old daughter Tessa (Jane Levy) out of New York and into the suburbs, where he hopes they will become closer, after finding a box of condoms in her drawer.During this early period, she also worked with various bands in BC logging towns and performed with the Larry Michaels Country Show Band at the Calgary Stampede.

I seem to somehow get through the sudden fiery hot flashes that prompt me to attempt frying eggs and bacon on my very own chest. It's so great to not have one shred of envy in my aging body. And maybe on the occasional occasion, I cry at a Tim Hortons commercial about hockey dads. I mean, 40 years of talking about the same damn things? Jann Arden grew up near Calgary in the rural community of Springbank and split her childhood pursuits between ice hockey and music; she played right wing, guitar and trumpet, and her musical influences included The Carpenters, John Denver and ABBA.After cutting her debut single, “Never Love a Sailor,” under the name Jann Richards at age 17, she spent her 20s fronting various bands, singing torch songs in piano bars and busking on the streets of Vancouver, Calgary and Edmonton. Until, of course, Cobie Smulders ditches her American husband and marries Ryan Gosling and they rule Canada and much of the Arctic for a thousand years, thus fulfilling Alanis Morissette’s ancient prophecy. So head on down to a Montana’s or a Boston Pizza and raise a La Batt to them, the new king and queen of Canada. As the official Canada Day Couple, they are also now the rulers of Canada.

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